Of good mornings, happiness and memories..

We have been married for almost 2 years now and now that I look back and think of some of the most amazing times of my life, it has been the last year and a half.

I am currently reading a book on psychology and came across this concept of Hedonistic Treadmill.  Hedonistic treadmill or adaptation is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. To relate this to marriage, researches indicate that people experience high level of happiness around their marriages with the satisfaction levels reaching its peak during the time of the marriage. As couples discover each other and the novelty of married life fades with the added responsibilities and life decisions to be made, the satisfaction levels go on reducing post marriage. I think this could also be because of the fact that when two people are in love, emotions cloud the judgement and one tends to overlook a lot of things in the other person. Once the initial euphoria of having the person around you and as a permanent part of your life thins, reality kicks in. one starts seeing things more clearly and may even take into consideration opinions of other people or start comparing their partner to the other “better” people they may know.

With such heavy dose of philosophy and psychology, I tried to think about my levels of happiness before and after marriage and now that I think of it, I realize that my levels of happiness have been the highest since marriage. Marriage has brought in a sense of stability to my thoughts and emotions and while it has not been all hunky dory, at an overall level, I feel I am better off than before. I am not trying to be an exception to the rule nor do I believe that the research is incorrect. As general principles and statistical data, these researches completely hold true. But picking one data point, an exceptional one at that and equating it as a general principle certainly would not be the right thing to do.

After all, as Steve Maraboli rightly says, happiness is a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experienced.

Between the two of us, whenever there is a choice on spending money, I would without a single thought spend money on an experience together than buying a new piece of clothing or any other item that I could own. 

While having a Paco Rabanne perfume may definitely make me feel great for the time being, the novelty of ownership fades sooner than later.

With experiences, they turn into memories and a little exercise of the brain, a google reminder of ‘this day that year’ or just coming across the picture randomly while looking for other things in your photo gallery is sure to make you experience the same joy that the original experience did.

This ‘memory jog’ happened to me this morning as I sat with my book, sipping the morning tea and absentmindedly gazing out the window into the fog which even obscured the view of the sea. This memory jog took me to the sunrise that we experienced together on the yacht sailing that we had been on almost over a year ago.

The gentle lapping of the water against the yacht, the grim looking sky as we waded through the smog on the Arabian sea, the silence, the cool breeze – everything was as clear as it just happened yesterday. Once we were a few kilometres into the sea, the yacht-man switched off the engine as we waited for the sun to rise.

A faint light invaded the darkness slowly and the grim sky seemed a painter’s canvas newly washed with a light colour. A dash of orange, a splash of yellow, a tinge of azure – the painter was using all his imagination to make sure it was picture perfect. We gazed silently at the sky, holding hands, speaking only with silence, the twinkle in our eyes getting brighter with each new shade of colour in the sky. The sea and the rising sun were our only companions. As we saw the sun rise, I am sure both of us thought about our hopes and joys of our life together, of the things this journey we had embarked upon held for us. As I write this, I can clearly feel the breeze on my skin, the amazement in my heart at the sight that we beheld. A happy morning indeed.

Now that I think of that morning and the research about happiness and marriage, I feel lucky to be an exception to the rule. I only hope that in the long run we will be able to experience such moments of pure bliss more often and that during testing times, such moments will bring a smile to our faces, reminding us of our hopes, joys and a promise of a happy life together. Forever!

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