Evolving

I write this to you with sleep nagging me whilst calling out to me into the comforts of slumber. Perhaps there is a pattern to my writing, you would have guessed by now. It is when I am most stressed that I gather my thoughts into words.The past few days have been anything but easy. 

But I'm not writing this to dwell on that. I have already thought and rethought things. With so much negativity around my head I realized I feel unhappy and disconnected. Which is why I have been pensive off late. They have compelled me to go into deep thought about us, the way we are, the ways things are going and the direction of our lives together. I thought perhaps a few months down our marriage, we would've have figured things out, yet I find myself clueless. The future is unknown and dark and nerve wracking.

I am grateful for the things we have, for the way you are, for love and for life. Whenever things have felt like a dead end, you have been there beside me giving me constant support  if I could call it. It doesn't feel like it is doing any good at that exact moment, fast forward to the present and I see the good in it. I write this to you because I feel I do not acknowledge it enough. I do my bit in expressing things and doing things the way I can. But with my off hand remarks and irritated expressions I tick you off. And you Sir, always have the audacity to laugh at my (so called as you say) troubles. When I am absolutely in my hot headed zone!

If it weren't for your calm, I would have long gone. For which I am grateful. That you are patient with me does not go unnoticed. That I never say this to you, because that's how the world has become.

We hide behind our masks, giving back word for word for any mean/ hurtful thing said or done. It has become the normal to retaliate and give back rather than to be taught patience, kindness and forgiveness. I'm hoping that the world doesn't get any worse. I pray that we remain to be the same.

We both have evolved in our relationship, which is what I love about us. It is that which keeps me going. I write this today so that we can both look back at this piece of writing and know that no matter how bad things will go, we will treat one another with kindness, patience, loyalty and love beyond everything else.

~ S