Love and other things!

Sometimes it’s fun and sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it is tiring and demanding and other times soothing and comforting. At times you want it and other times you question the raison d'être. Harrowing, lovely, herculean, charismatic, wearisome, calming – A relationship can be a number of things at different points in time (read day too!).

I would be lying if I refuted that at times I want to run away from it. At times I feel loved and wanted and needed. At times I am at the end of my tether trying to understand, accommodate and feel good about things.  At times I am amazed by the beauty of it. At times I wonder if I will be able to go through all of it for the rest of my life. Sometimes it is overwhelming to know that you are the reason for existence (probably) for someone and other times you want to love yourself more and not worry about the other person. It’s a conundrum – a battle between me and us. ‘I’ fighting with ‘We’.

I tried analysing how this relationship is changing me. I think it is – for better (I believe). To myself I am perfect. When I see myself through your eyes I realize how imperfect I am. I was alarmed initially to discover this – but life! I see my unkindness, my unruly thoughts and ideas, my brashness. The causticity of my words is just more evident. I see the cracks in my personality.  You make me want to mend them.

It is an incredible feeling to know that someone wants to complete you, loves you for your beauty and malice, and accepts your imperfect perfections as well as the perfect imperfections. I may not express my love as often as I would like to say or you would like to hear. I may not have given you enough reason to believe that you are my choice, need and desire. I may have not said it but you are not just a beautiful woman but a more beautiful human being. I feel lucky to have you.

I love you. I really do!